What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 00:10
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
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Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Adipisci omnis dolor vitae nulla explicabo tenetur.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My family never makes their pension either.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
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At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Comes on , in middle age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
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Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
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Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Qui omnis et eius rerum et dignissimos vel.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She loved him until the end.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i lived it daily.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
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Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
All the time i was locked up.
Why would a girl not want you to know she has a crush on you?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I write beautiful poetry .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
It was going to be , some day.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But it wasn’t much.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But, we were locked up after school.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
This is soul school!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I don,t even have a pension.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I could never make a relationship work though!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So whats the point in blame.
I said to her
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Put me off passion for life!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So, i spoilt her more .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She married twice! .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
When she asked me how she looked .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Would this be the day?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
What did i know ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She found it foreign!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was seconnd youngest,
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was 9 years of age.
I have no regrets .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ive learnt so much.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was in good health!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We were not on the streets..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She wouldn,t have been !
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I will be 64.
One cannot live in the past .
I waited trembling.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
(And it was in our own minds.)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
He knew the spot.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was scared of men, in general
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My life is so biszare .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I think the readers, may guess!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We all went to grammer schools
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was very sick at this time too.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im still living with it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Where the ultimate outsiders.